Primum non nocere... "First, do no harm."

stardate 85706.71

Personal log.
Captain, USS Osler.

There are moments that make me remember why I entered Starfleet, why I became a doctor. Today I had one of those moments. A civilian transport vessel was moving a group of colonists from the Andoss system to the Aoki system. Unfortunately, a virulent strain of the Irakian fever (strain HGC-44124, refer to medical library for further information) had infected the colonists and crew. Being the nearest ship in the region, the Osler was charged with meeting the ship in interstellar space and providing vaccination for the colonists and crew. We arrived quickly and were able to inoculate all aboard with no casualties.

Unfortunately, one of the colonists, a young Andorian Shen was pregnant. The vaccine could not be given in utero due to the late development of the foetus. Working with my Chief Medical Officer, Lieutenant Bers, I was able to construct a retrovirus to deliver a gene resequencing routine that made the child immune to the disease and prevented prenatal infection, which would have resulted in severe respiratory damage.

With everything else going on in the Federation this reminded me of why I came out here. To heal and to help. To see the look of relief, the look of thanks on the faces of those colonists reminded me that despite all the evil in the galaxy, despite all the injustice, I can still make a difference.

“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.”

stardate 85705.56

Personal log.
Captain, USS Osler.

Today would have been Arthur’s eighth birthday. I had planned to give him a toy I’d found on Bajor during our last visit to DS9. The Bajoran who had sold it to me called it a ohn’ta. It’s a sphere, roughly six centimeters in diameter. I’ve scanned it, and it’s made of a metal particular to Bajor that acts as a superconductor even at fairly high temperatures. When placed near any surface with ferrous metals in it, the sphere levitates at about five centimeters from the surface. If placed between two surfaces with ferrous metals, it rotates. I had hoped to teach Arthur about the Meissner effect and superconductors, and how they relate to our own superconducting technology. There were so many things I wanted to teach him. So many things I had wanted to see him accomplish.

I still hear his voice in my sleep sometimes, calling me for help.

With all the power I command, the terrawatts of energy, the weapons of destruction and tools of healing, I couldn’t save him.

My son is gone.

stardate 85650.25

Personal log.
Captain, USS Osler.

In the past months, the Borg are becoming bolder in the Gamma Orionis sector and we’ve seen heavy duty. I can’t count the number of ships we’ve lost. I can’t even count the number of corpses I’ve seen. Sick bay is becoming an abattoir and triage is almost a joke. My crew is doing well under the conditions. They’re a good bunch.

We were recently assigned to provide support to a task-force in the Sibiran System. Rear Admiral Qer was in command of the mission, leading from his flagship the USS Shay II. Along with us were the USS Gladstone, USS Acheron and the USS Pegasus. Our primarily role in the mission was to be ECM / ECCM and medical support / triage. 

Starfleet lost contact with Starbase 82. When we arrived, we quickly discovered why – the Borg had invaded and managed to assimilate the station and most of its crew. We were able to clear the station out, though not without casualties. I lost four crew myself – Ensigns Joffrey and C’ten, and Lieutenants Arch and Hu. Sixteen crew dead plus the crew of the starbase itself – more than three hundred.

The Borg are an insidious enemy. The worst kind of enemy. They don’t kill their victims. Instead they pervert them, they change them. Death would be clean, but the Borg aren’t that compassionate. They take our own people and make them our enemies and they let us kill them. That’s the real irony – we are the Borg. They take us and make them their own.

I knew some of the crew of Starbase 82. I went to the Academy with Commander Athelosh, one of the senior engineering officers on the base.

Yesterday, I shot him with a phaser rifle.

Or, at least I shot what he had become. Was Athelosh still in there? I’ve read accounts from liberated Borg – people who have been severed from the Collective and returned to normal life (whatever that means these days). They say it’s like being trapped in your own mind, like watching your body through a viewscreen.

I wonder what Athelosh was thinking as he watched me pull the trigger? Was he in there? Did he recognize me? Did he curse me as I gunned him down, or did he silently thank me, glad for the release?

In the end, does it even matter?

stardate 85466.73

Personal log.
Captain, USS Osler.

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since I set foot on the bridge of a starship. Six months of leave and counselling and more leave. It seems like a lifetime ago that someone called me Captain. At my request, I’ve been transferred from the Exploration and placed in command of the USS Iaso, a medical support ship patrolling in the Gamma Orionis sector. My former first officer, T’Fren has been promoted to Captain and given command of the Exploration. She’s a fine officer and I know she’ll do a fine job. I would have liked to go back, but there were too many memories, too many ghosts. It was time to move on. They wanted to promote me and give me a desk job, but I needed to get back out into the field. I couldn’t stand sitting still any more.

I was able to bring a few familiar faces over to the Osler with me – Joe Kraft, now a Commander, is my Chief Engineer and Draymen came with me as my First Officer. It’s good to be back in space again, to feel the deckplates under my feet. I just need to keep moving. I just have to keep moving and the ghosts can’t catch up.

stardate 85124.82

Personal log.
Captain, USS Exploration.

I have fought Death at every turn - with medicine, with my wits, with all of the tools available to me.
I have fought Death at every turn and won more battles than I have lost, but Death is patient and Death is vengeful.

Today, while performing routine survey operations of Kharans II, a class-D planet orbiting a binary star system, the Exploration was the victim of an unprovoked attack by three Hegh’ta-class Klingon birds of prey. The Klingon vessels attacked from port, starboard and aft. We returned fire and executed a standard evasive manoeuvres pattern. The Klingons pressed the attack, dropping our rear shields in the process. Seizing the opportunity, they beamed three strike teams aboard.

Our security forces responded quickly, but not quickly enough. Two of the strike teams beamed to Engineering. One of the strike teams, beamed to deck six, crew quarters. The Klingons must have had intelligence regarding the layout of the Exploration, as their attack was designed to target our most vulnerable areas. Twelve crew members were killed within the next seven minutes as the Klingon invaders lobbed plasma grenades into corridors and crew cabins. Security forces responded quickly and disabled the Klingons, but not before the damage was done.

Carol and Arthur were sleeping in our quarters when the attack started. Ours was the first cabin the Klingons threw a grenade into.

They say it’s a slow death, burning in plasma fire. They say the pain can linger for up to two minutes before you die.

The Klingon strike teams were dispatched and we were able to warp away before any serious damage could be done to the ship.

But the damage was done.

My wife and my son are gone.

For some moments in life, there are no words.

stardate 85089.72

Personal log.
Captain, USS Exploration.

There are parts of command that I loathe: the endless report writing, the duty roster, the lack of time for real scientific inquiry. Above all, I loathe the discipline, or more precisely, being in charge of discipline.

Our head of Life Sciences, Commander Kosher, had a run in with Commander Adlit, my Chief of Science and Second Officer. It seems that Commander Adlit had allocated the secondary sensor array and deflector taken off-line for several hours during our orbit around Kharans IV, a newly discovered planet in the Arucanis Arm. For a number of reasons (not the least of which was a persistent sensor “echo” during warp travel), Commander Adlit felt that the array and deflector needed to be realigned. She came to me and requested permission to take them offline, and I had granted her permission to do so.

Unbeknownst to me, Commander Kosher and his team in exo-biology had been planning to use the secondary sensor array to conduct a scan of the planetary atmosphere, which houses a remarkable form of microscopic life that thrives in the planet’s methane-rich mesosphere. When Commander Adlit informed Mr. Kosher of the planned downtime, he was not happy (and this is putting it mildly). Adlit and Kosher’s discussion became extremely heated, and words were exchanged. Being the professional that she is, Commander Adlit extricated herself from the situation to put an end to the arguing, and returned to her post at the bridge. Commander Kosher, apparently still in a state of some agitated, proceeded to Engineering, where he falsely informed our Chief Engineer, Mr. Laroche, that the sensor alignment had been ordered delayed for several hours, and that the array could remain online. He then proceeded back to the Life Sciences lab where he and his team completed their scans.

This might have been the end of it, had Commander Kosher been able to leave things be. However, after completing his scans, he proceeded to the bridge, where Commander Adlit was still on duty, to present the results of his scans and analysis to me. Commander Adlit, overhearing our conversation, asked Mr. Kosher how he had completed the scans with the array off-line. Mr. Kosher, with no indication of regret, told her of his communication to Engineering.

Needless to say, I took Mr. Kosher to my ready room where he and I had a long, and frank, discussion about his methods and his future aboard the Exploration. I’ve since placed a formal reprimand on Mr. Kosher’s record and relieved him of duty for three days, during which he will be confined to quarters. I am also seriously considering replacing him as head of Life Sciences.

He is a brilliant man, there is no arguing that. However, his personality and methods leave much to be desired. He drives the Life Sciences team hard – too hard at times – and I’ve been forced, several times, to ask him to be gentler and more understanding with the less senior members of his staff (Ensigns Ramirez and Ghendrix have both indicated to me that he frequently asks his teams to work well past their duty shifts, and that they are often berated for not working “to standard.”) Kosher is a definite asset to the crew, and his knowledge of his field puts him among the leading thinkers in Star Fleet. At the same time, I have to think about the crew and those people who have to serve with him. I’m hoping this reprimand will be sufficient for Kosher to get the message. If not, more drastic action may be required.